Whomever decided that allowing parents to procreate without first reading through an owner's manual was downright foolish. Sorry God - but really! I need a bit of help here. What in the world were we possibly thinking when we decide to become parents. What a selfless, sacrificing job yet underpaid and under honored in so many ways. Now, before you lash back at me about how parenting is so rewarding - read on.
This is not a pity party post - well maybe it is. It certainly isn't meant to be. I truly am using this as an opportunity to spew all of my feeling and emotions at this very point in time.
I know when Dave and I decided to embark on the "parenting journey" we thought we were well prepared - had thought through things, planned for, researched, and even saved up a bit of money for it (not knowing it was not nearly enough). We thought long and hard about how children would fit into our lives and decided it was a good fit. I, having a pediatric nursing background, thought I knew enough to raise children. I had read books, took classes on child development, and even watched a bunch of videos. I was set - right? Boy, was I stinkin wrong. After 4 years, 2 kids, 1.26 million tantrums, 9.3 thousand meltdown/crying sessions, a few spankings, countless timeouts, and more money that I care to count, I have realized I don't have a clue. I don't. I try to read up on the latest 'phase' or newest developmental milestone only to realize that my kids are completely opposite from anything those books have published. So where does that leave me? Navigating through this parenting forest alone, scared, anxious. Not quite.
After having a horrific day with my children yesterday,(the worst ever since I started parenting)I realized that we are not designed to go at this alone. God was a part of our parental journey long before we ever joined in. To think he knew exactly how many hairs would be placed on Mattea's head or how many curls would adorn Paloma's neck is amazing. He designed them and ultimately I am asking him to "run" them. I am fit to be tied with Mattea and am utterly discouraged by her recent behavior. Actually, I'm a bit embarrassed. But I take comfort in knowing that although I don't have an owner's manual, I have something better. I have their Creator. And who better to turn to when I need to know how it works that the One who ultimately holds the blueprints in His hand.
I mean seriously.....
For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my
I praise you because I am fearfully
and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
I kow that full well.