By a crazy fluke on Facebook, I was reminded today that I still have a blog existing out in cyberspace. Quite frankly, I had forgotten about it. I had completely forgotten the countless hours I had spent uploading pictures or documenting precious memories. Tonight, after I had tucked all the kids away in bed, I poured a glass of wine, finished the dishes and decided to sit down at the computer and scroll through my blog. Talk about a trip down memory lane. I am so eternally grateful that I spent all that time blogging. It was an absolute pleasure for me to read back through the entries that were created back when the Dean family was a family of 4.
Almost 3 years to the date of my last entry, I chose to log in to my lil book of memories and do some updating. Crazy what can happen in three years. Since my last entry, our family has doubled the number of girls that we have, we have moved out of state and began a life outside of Idaho. Our family has transitioned to public school, started new jobs, lost a dog, made a ton of new friends, and said good bye to others.
It's rather surreal what can happen when we get so entangled in the day to day chaos of life. Desperately I try my best to hang on to the mundane and savor the minutes. But if I am honest with myself, most days I'm simply treading water in hopes of staying afloat just one more day. I nod my head multiple times as the kids try to recount their day minute by minute while I'm trying to cook dinner. The pan is over flowing with water, the bread is burning in the oven, the chicken is still frozen, and the baby has decided once again to strip down to her diaper and run outside when it is 40 degrees out. But, yep honey, go ahead and tell me everything that happened from the time the bell rang this morning at 8:30.Or better yet, the dishes aren't done, there are three loads of laundry waiting to be folded, the baby is still in her pajamas, the coffee has run out and I am desperately wanting to pull it together so that I can get to the gym for at least an hour workout. It is in the brief moment, my sweet Maranda looks at me with her amazing blue eyes and says "momma, play with me." Oh, I so wish I could truthfully say that I drop everything, fall to the ground and whisper, "sure honey I'll play with you." Heck no! This morning, I looked at her, half asleep still (because the coffee is gone) and said "are you crazy? Mommy needs to run otherwise I will be grumpy all day. Ok, hurry. Let's go. No really, they are closing soon. Let's go."
A little voice inside of me today whispered "you will never get this day back. Proceed with caution!"
That's my point. I will never get these days back. As I scroll through my blog, I am reminded of how much my kids have grown and matured. I will never get back those wild and crazy days with them when they were little. I am go glad I documented what I did. My heart smiled as I scrolled through the amazing memories. My hope is that now with four underfoot, I will be able to stop and spend time documenting this new madness I have created. Perhaps one day I will look back and not see it as madness but rather blessings.
And for the record.....I did play a ridiculous made up card game with Maranda before leaving for the gym. I felt bad though because I rushed her through the entire game. When we came home from the gym, I put the baby down for a nap, cuddled up under the covers and read the same book over and over to her all afternoon - her favorite - Peppa Pig! She was in heaven and I was redeemed!