Saturday, April 18, 2009

Have You Ever?

Have you ever had one of those days where wallowing in self pity is the number one item listed on your to-do list?

Have you ever had one of those days where literally it seems as if you will erupt into tears at just about anyone or anything that crosses your path?

Have you ever had one of those days where "everything" goes wrong and "nothing" goes right?

Have you ever had one of those days when you know there is so much to be thankful for but you seem to concentrate on all the negativity?

Have you ever had one of those days where literally you want to walk out the door and not come back until everything is all better?

Have you ever had one of those days where you want to indulge in chocolate and simply say "screw it" to the scale because you think chocolate is going to make it better?

Have you ever had one of those days when you know God's grace is upon you but you just can't feel it?

So if you haven't noticed - I'm a bit down at the moment. As I twittered yesterday, "I'm having a Debbie Downer kind of day."

I have so much to be thankful for and so many blessings in my life, but for right now - at this moment, I'm wallowing in self pity and pain. I'm both emotionally and physically hurting and to put it quite mildly "It stinks." It has been a hard and challenging week - not to mention long, exhausting and painful. David has been gone for most of it, the children have been upset and tired, I haven't been able to work, the weather has been rotten, and now to top it all off, I have a ridiculous foot injury that is preventing me from taking part in an activity that has recently brought me sanity.

That is really where this post is coming from. Yes - I'm upset that I spent all day yesterday searching for my daughters blanket (the one from Grandma D.) only to learn that she had stuffed it in the garage and didn't bother to tell me. I'm not just talking searching around the house - I'm talking trips back to the park, trips outside, even a trip to the store to replace the blanket. Then at the end of the day, she tells me, "Mom, it's over there!" Pretty much lost it at that point.
And yes, I'm a bit upset that I have spent literally minutes with my husband this week. Bad enough, that I don't get a whole lot of adult interaction as it is during a week, but to be missing my best friend & husband is down right wrong. But, as I said in a previous post, we are glad that he is employed and working. But truly the real reason I'm upset is because I have spent so much time and effort on training for this upcoming 1/2 marathon. I have pushed myself beyond what I thought my body was capable of, and now I'm told it could all have been for nothing. Nothing definitive yet, but I could be banned from running for up to 6 weeks. There is no way I'll be able to come back and train in time. I will just say that I am so proud of the work that I have done - finally to have a goal that is mine. Not the kids, not my husbands - mine! This is something that has excited me - and now the possibility of it ending is quite real.

It is just running - I know! I am still healthy, my kids are healthy, my husbands healthy, etc. I have so much to be thankful for - but for right now, this very moment, this is something that is/was important to me. I'm praying for good news and for pain relief. But I'm also praying for a change of heart. Really, this has made me quite bitter and I hate having a hardened heart. This is only one of life's challenges and I better darn well rise to the occasion.

Have you ever had one of those days where you simply purge your feelings all over your blog - only to feel slightly better afterward? I have. I'll feel much better though when I hobble downstairs and inhale that box of brownies I bought last night.


MerrandaVK said...

oh hun, I can relate, sort of. Sorry to hear about your injury, it is hard to have set backs on your way to a goal. I'll be praying that it heals quickly and you can finish your training!!!

Kim said...

That does stink and yes, I think all of us have had days liked that where you'd rather bury your head and pretend none of it's really happening--yup, I get it! So what kind of foot injury are we talking about???

sharon said...

Thanks for your post--it is nice to know that at times you are not alone when you are down in the dumps!! Your blog really lifts me up!! thanks for your faith and honesty! Hope that foot is minor and you get back to your running soon!!

sharon said...

Heather, thanks for sharing yur thoughts! sometimes we go through things to help others! your faitha nd love of the Lord is an uplifter for me and who cannot help but be cheered up when you see the faces of those sweet little girls! hope the foot gets better and it is just a little bump in the road!!

Tina said...

Hi Heather! I am so blessed to know you. You are such a strong Christian woman. I know we all have days (no matter how strong our faith is) that we wallow but we pick ourselves up and with God's strength move on. I am so sorry that this injury has set up back but I believe you'll be back out there training for the next one. Hang in there! You are such an inspiration.

Anonymous said...

You are not alone. I have found myself crying because the socks were not put away..and after the my cry I felt much better. I realize it is not about the little things (the socks) but about all the we carry being moms, wives, friends, sisters, and daughters of God. Sometimes we need to shout out to our Father and say, "I am hurting please hold and rock me." Coffee also helps! (so does wine but I digress). I am amazed by you. I know how much you have put into running...and in time you will cross that finish line a medal will be placed around your neck and you will look back at this journey and say, "Despite the trip I did IT!." much love! Debbie